I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i just had sex bonerless
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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