i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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