____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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