Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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