it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
