Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Randomize
