New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
