Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
