I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
