he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
You smell like a Billy Joel song
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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