quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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