If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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