Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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