I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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