DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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