i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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