remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
