Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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