first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
