I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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