ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
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