My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
