she takes plan B like it's going out of style
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
