I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
