I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
