You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
