The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
zippers are such a cool invention
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
