is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
