i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
