my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
