It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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