hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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