If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Drunk is not a location!
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