We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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