We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
