we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
