Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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