I wanna passion pit in your ass
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
