what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
