I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
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