I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize