I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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