she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Randomize
