I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
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