OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
