went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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