I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
