Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
