I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
