I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
We don't watch enough power rangers
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
