so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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