you turned your livingroom into a bong?
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
