she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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