textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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