Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
