a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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