this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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