Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
