Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
