what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
