he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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