How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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