id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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