I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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