I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
