I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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