i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
