no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
