It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
