im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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