That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
