all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
