OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
