My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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