how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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