Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
