I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Randomize