Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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