And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
