Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
