Define "chronic" masturbator.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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