filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
