Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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