dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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