The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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