At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize