So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
