jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
