i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
