life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
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