oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
