we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
