shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize