It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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