three words: i give head
three words: not that well
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Randomize
