Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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