Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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