Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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